Social Black Holes

By Noel Bagwell
November 1, 2009

A black hole probably doesn’t have a lot of fans. Sure, whatever gets near them is forced to revolve around the black hole, for a while, trapped in its gravitational pull, but interactions with a black hole invariably lead to an ill-fated downward spiral that ends in the object of attraction being ripped apart subatomic particle by subatomic particle before being sucked down into the vortex of oblivion. So, yeah… not a lot of fans for black holes, one would imagine.

Have you ever noticed that some people can be black holes, too? Their corner of the social universe revolves around them, attracting everyone and everything that will give them the attention they crave with the intensity of a gravitationally completely collapsed star. They are the Prima Donnas.

One attribute of many such people is the need to dominate any given pre-planned event by manipulating or changing the circumstances of said event to suit their individual preferences without consideration for anyone else. For example, say you plan with your friends to go to a restaurant for dinner at 7:00. You make all the requisite phone calls. You call and make reservations. You work out the most convenient travel arrangements for everyone. Yet, your Black Hole Friend calls at 6:30 to “see if it’s okay” to eat at a different restaurant, different time, etc.  Even when there is no one “planner,” when people just agree to get together at a predetermined place and time, these sorts of people walk around with a cellphone attached to their ear, trying to work out alternative plans, putting themselves ahead of everyone else and at the center of everyone’s attention.

How rude is that? Black Hole Friends – or Family Members – seem completely oblivious to the fact that other people have lives that they have to change in order to make plans. They seem oblivious to the time and effort that goes into planning. They seem oblivious to that feeling of accomplishment that a planner gets when they’ve worked out the perfect-seeming arrangement of moving parts that will allow an event to run smoothly, maximizing “Pros” and minimizing “Cons.” Mostly, though, they show their disregard for others by implying, through their thoughtless words and actions, that their lives are somehow more important, that their preferences deserve more deference than anyone else’s; and that, therefore, everyone else should bend to their proclivities.

So, for those of you who were raised with a modicum of decorum, who embrace etiquette, a word of caution: be considerate of those who put the time, effort and energy into making plans – particularly around the holidays. Don’t be a social black hole. Be considerate of others and respect the time and effort they’ve put into organizing the events you’re a part of.